i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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