I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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