I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
