I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had sex on a roof
i think my cat just said my name.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
