you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
