I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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