I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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