I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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