Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
