things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
