i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
