So drunk its hurt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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