ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
