Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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