the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
