Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
