im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
