how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
