He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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