The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
