Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
