sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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