It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
