how do flat chested girls get laid?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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