Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
