I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
