I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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