Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
