Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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