3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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