the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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