Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
