even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
