Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
