chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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