He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
