I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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