The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
