how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
