Apparently you make a good broom.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
