All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk is not a location!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
