so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
