how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
