yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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