she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
