made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
