mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
