We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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