You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
