Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
