If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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