So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
