everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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