ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize