so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
