Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
home. puking in laundry basket.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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