Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
