I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
