Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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