T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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