I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
