cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
