Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
