I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
