Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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