Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
