i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
