So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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