We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
