i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
