Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
